Alone time

Is there any benefit to spending time alone? I am someone who loves my alone time, but like every human being who has ever lived, I’ve experienced loneliness, too. There is a difference between being alone and being lonely. Loneliness is something I have even felt in a group of people, whereas I have enjoyed my own company and felt not even an ounce of loneliness. Maybe the key to finding meaningful connection in another’s company is knowing that they understand you, and in turn, you understand them.

There is a plethora of reasons why I spend much of my time alone. Thanks to a hybrid work model, I am lucky enough to work from home most days. I live alone (with my pooch). Sometimes I spend multiple days in a row mostly alone. Last weekend I talked with my mom and with my sister via telephone. I sent voice messages to friends via WhatsApp. I said hello to passersbys on an evening walk and I exchanged pleasantries with a girl at the Sonic drive-through when purchasing a bag of ice. Other than that, I didn’t use my voice much as I spent the weekend alone. I read, separated a monstera that had become too large for its pot, listened to music, and I did it all alone.

If you asked me if I am an introvert or an extrovert, I’d probably say I’m an ambivert. I'm a homebody who loves to stay in, but I also like to go out (with the right company). With friends, I feel energized. When I spend time alone, I feel recharged.

“For me, it was important to be alone; solitude was a prerequisite to being openly and joyfully susceptible and responsive to the world of leaves, light, birdsong, flowers, flowing water.” ― Mary Oliver

Unsurprisingly, I’m not the only person who has questioned if being alone can be a good thing. A Google search brings up a wealth of opinions regarding the benefits or negatives associated with flying solo. I came across articles and podcasts discussing a book called "In Solitude: The Science and Power of Being Alone" by Netta Weinstein, Heather Hansen, and Thuy-vy T Nguyen (which I have added to my TBR list). These authors point out that loneliness and solitude are not synonymous.

Solitude – The simple state of being alone.
Loneliness – A feeling of unhappiness associated with being socially isolated.

It seems that everyone’s need for alone time is different and it depends on what we’re used to. I’ve met people who struggle to spend even the smallest amount of time, literally minutes, alone. I suppose their aversion to being alone may be born from the feelings of “missing out, loneliness, or boredom.” Otherwise known as FOMO. Even the most extroverted of extroverts must need a quiet night in to recharge every now and then, right?

Loneliness isn't great. I think we’ve all heard it said that “humans are social animals.” Social connections seem to be necessary for mental and physical health. A former US surgeon general has been quoted as saying, “Loneliness and weak social connections are associated with a reduction in lifespan similar to that caused by smoking 15 cigarettes a day”. I think the key is that connections must be meaningful. Speaking from experience, I can be in a room full of people, and if they are the wrong people, I can feel lonely. Nguyen alludes to the concept of quality over quantity in friendships. She says: “Loneliness is more about the quality of our relationships: how connected you feel to people around you.”

Quality time spent with someone who gets you is crucial; just ask a guinea pig. One of my favorite bits of information is that it is illegal to keep just one guinea pig as a pet in Switzerland because of their need for companionship to thrive.

“I want to talk about everything with one person, as I talk about things with myself.” – Fyodor Dostoyevesky

I liked Nguyen’s notion that solitude is an ordinary part of life, and sometimes it is neither good nor bad. I concur that I've experienced neutral points in solitude, along with the highs and lows.

On a positive side -- I’ve gone on many fun and meaningful solo trips, and plan to go on many more. Traveling by myself has helped me feel strong, capable, and empowered. Solo walks have been a huge part of my life at nearly every stage. I'm always happier when I'm in nature, and when I need to clear my mind, a solo walk outdoors is almost always a promising solution. Even when finding the motivation to get off the couch is difficult, it is worth it. For me, it's important to switch up the scenery, and I keep various walking trails in rotation. Spending time without external, social stimuli can allow for introspection as well as feelings of inner peace. When I'm alone, I can be in a neutral state, or it can be fun, like when I’m having a private dance party in my kitchen. I often feel very creative in times of solitude, and you can learn more about yourself, such as what you like and don’t like, without outside influence.

I think it's important to accept it is OK to be alone and that it can be beneficial. Maybe working on who we are when alone is just as important as developing our interpersonal skills with others.

With all of this being said, I deeply cherish my relationships with my friends and family. Life would have little to not much meaning at all without them. When I’ve had my fill of my alone time, I am grateful for the time spent with loved ones and the bonds we share.

“It would not be much of a universe if it wasn't home to the people you love.” ― Stephen Hawking

Guinea pigs: they're just like us